On the Supermom Myth

Nope, there is no such thing ladies…and why the hell would you aspire to be a supermom anyway? Whether you are a stay-at-home mom or a 8am-18pm career mom (with after hours at home required, in my case), you will soon come to learn that it is very difficult but more importantly, exhausting to try to “do it all” for the sake of your family.

It certainly is a challenge. Let me set the stage here: If you are a full time working mom, something will suffice. You can’t possibly work more than forty hours a week and then come home and give your kids an optimal care. We sure as hell try though! I’ll give ya that. Remember that in the end….something always gives. It will be either your interaction with your children, or their interaction with you, or how they will perceive the values we teach them, but most likely it will be your own health. It’s all interconnected you see.
The trick is to take a deep breath, and try to embrace the motherhood while still keeping sane, relatively healthy, but more importantly don’t forget to laugh through this wonderful weird journey of raising children. Because each stage of your child’s life is so damn special, so make sure you decide how you want to live your life with your children. And fuck what society expects. Here are a few “-isms” that help me:

Down-to- earth-ism

There. I just made up a word. My parents worked hard to provide for the family. We understood work ethic and value from a young age. Remember to teach your children (especially Millennial moms) that the greatest things in life must be earned. It is ok to spoil them once in a while but keep their young feet on the ground. Let them earn their wings!

Manipulative games-ism

Our kids sure know how to have their way with us. That good old guilt trip does the trick every time doesn’t it? It is after all, one of their most powerful ammo. When they are between 3 and 7 they start to use several manipulative phrases (they are very strategic you see). Make sure to stand your ground and be secure in your own knowledge and wisdom. Even though our kids may teach us a few lessons, never doubt your own intuition. Kids will Want. This means when you say “no”, really mean “NO”. Sticks and stones may break your bones…

Practice what you preach-ism

Always show your deepest values. Kids learn most when we demonstrate certain behaviors. So instead of preaching, just show your children through your actions of understanding, kindness, perseverance, compassion, discernment, resilience, and strength. Sometimes you might even want to set the bar a bit higher. That is completely alright. They look to you for guidance so be the leader you were born to be.

Allow room for failure-ism

It is important to protect our children, but to a certain extent. We don’t become mothers s that we can protect our children from every single consequence of decisions they make. Even though it is our natural instinct to do so. When your child is at a maturity level to make practical decisions on his/her own, allow him. But also make sure you allow failure. This is one of the most valuable lessons we can teach our kids. Keep in mind that the lesson is NOT to purposefully fail but rather how to become resilient if and when you do. Teach them how to pick up the pieces after failures, mistakes, and moving forward in life. Teach them to not stay stuck, teach them to feel. To feel sad, to cry, to forgive (when appropriate) and to move on. Life is here for us in the moment. Teach your children to embrace life, even after failure, because it is all part of growing into the person they will one day become…

The layer cake-ism

Seems like kids nowadays have trouble with their periscope. They seem to see life as uni dimensional. Au contraire! I have always seen life as a layer cake. Life is comprised of a whole bunch of layers. For better or worse, much of life is very interconnected. When you make a poor decision in one area of your life it almost always has a domino effect in other areas of your life. Just like poor decisions regarding relationships can easily blend into poor decisions on the work front. Anyway the point is, help your children to understand that it is possible to achieve a joyful and abundant life when their values are permeated throughout all layers of life; career, relationships, family, passions, spiritual, self-growth/development, etc.

Don’t take it too personal-ism

Your kids will eventually grow into teens, they will adopt new opinions and attitudes, which will probably be different from what you may have shared with them. Do applaud them. Oh yes, they WILL confront you. They will make a point and go out of their way to show you are “wrong” in your beliefs or ideals. It is just their way of exerting all this new knowledge. They test out the waters, usually on someone they love dearly- us. Try not to get upset with your teenage daughter’s opinion. Her newly developed opinions make her a new young woman. They are not YOUR opinions. They are hers. She is growing up into her own person. And this is really the ultimate goal of being a parent…to create independent thinkers!

Know that you are doing the best you can-ism

Us moms usually have the best intentions at heart. But sometimes the best of us isn’t what shines. We all have our challenging moments, mornings, days and even weeks. So even though they don’t wanna eat their dinner, or they make a scene cause you didn’t get that chocolate bar they wanted. In the end, they love you. You are giving it your best. That is ALL that matters.

Me-time-ism

We all get burned out at some point. Our fuse does get short. We are only human and we are working to cover all bases. In between providing financial support, caring for the children and inspiring them, making home feel really a home (and not just a house) for comfort, love and care, etc. I could go on…
Do NOT feel “mommy guilt” to take a few days off. Make arrangements of care for the little ones. Say it again “I DON’T FEEL GUILTY”. This is where the superhero mom would break all barriers and use her superhuman strength to move beyond any pain and exhaustion. Shit. Tough lesson for me I guess. I am not so superhuman after all 😦

But it is perfectly alright…Because I absolutely love being a mom! Superhuman or not.

Advertisements

One thought on “On the Supermom Myth

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s